I wasn't going to do a column this week because I'm going to be at Origins running events for White Wizard Games.
But instead I'll do a quickie. This won't be as long or comprehensive as a normal column. I'll apologise now, as you've come to expect the best.
THE 6 WORST CARDS IN MAGIC
I mean I could easily make this 60, but...
Back before lands all tapped for mana or fetched lands that did, WotC explored the design space of lands that did really cool and interesting things. They also made Sorrow's Path.
This card actually makes people dumber. Here's the process:
"Wow this card is dumb"
"Or...maybe I don't get it because I'm dumb?"
*plays with card and tries to break it*
"Wow this card is dumb"
Repeat as you like until educated.
There's actually a cycle of 5 of these, one for each land type, but Mountain Stronghold gets the nod for me because it originally said "All your Red Legends may band with other Legends", Whereas all the others said "Your Blue Legends gain 'Bands With Other Legends'." or whatever. For some reason, the Red one is different, and it sucks. Like if it made Red mana, it would be useable, and possibly included in every deck that had two or more Legends in it.
But it didn't.
This one is part of a cycle also. However, at the time of printing, only one creature had Plainswalk.
At the time of writing this article, only five cards have Plainswalk or grant it to creatures. And THREE cards remove Plainswalk.
Also it's the only wall that doesn't block anything. So...yeah. Not that great.
"But Ian", you say. "Rakalite is ok in Limited!"
Nope. Turns out you're wrong and stupid.
Alright, so Leeches does do something that no other card directly does: It removes Poison counters. This was not meant to be used on an opponent. This was around the time when WotC realised that people liked Multiplayer and started wording the cards so you could play them on allies.
That's me being open-minded, rational, and reasonable. Won't happen again.
Choosing Lifelace as the worst of the Lace cycle is like choosing Rectal Cancer as the worst cancer. Changing a spell's colour is basically pointless since it won't trigger "cast a green spell" effects. Changing the colour of a permanent is less pointless, but also largely pointless.
Also: IT WAS A GODDAMN RARE!
You know, like the Dual lands, Moxes, Lotus. Rare.
Damn, Early Magic, you suck!
That's the kind of column you get when I have less than an hour. Did I forget something? Probably.